IM-PERFECT

        Hope...that's what she gave me. Above everything else, love, confidence, strength and much more. I wouldn't say she completed me, like in all romantic movies. But being close to her felt like I was flawless[. I was charming, I was smart, I was strong, I was everything that I wasn't in my single life. It was like a dream yet I lived those moments in reality. Maybe this is how it feels like to be perfect, to be in love. I was everything and then I was nothing. She left. Reality swept over me. Darkness consumed me. The only light was that of my soul within me. But for some reason it wasn't enough to drive the darkness away. I had this vision, of me standing on top of a beautiful waterfall. I was leaning over the edge of a rock at the mercy of the hand I was holding.

Drive Slow

Were the last words of my dad when I dropped him at the railway station on 24th July 2011. Funny, life has been slow. And there lies no reason for me to take it easy on the road either. I don't drive to show off. It just gives me the feeling of thrill, a sense of control. And why should I drive slow. Every time I have driven slow, I met with and accident. It might seem stupid but that's the truth. This particular note may be confusing you. Am I talking about life or about driving? It's kind of both really. A comparison perhaps. I remember Prof. Lawrence's first lecture in first year. He snapped his fingers while he spoke, "Dude, you will never realize when these 4 years will pass by".

Empty Spaces

      I never imagined writing would grow so much on me. To think I would have written 10+ notes by now. I am confused though... Should I be happy? *Certainly*. Should I be sad? Hm.... The problems still persist. Well lets put the past aside and focus on now. She has left for bilaspur. Its been 6 days since I have seen her. No contact, no calling, only an insignificant SMS and that too is fading day after day. Her messages mostly irritate me, talking of death, separation and denial of the obvious. I called her thrice, once she disconnected, second time it was busy, the third time we talked, it was as if I was talking to a complete stranger.

Live Extreme

To start with, I am not promoting the bike CBZ Extreme. As always this note concerns me only. Having completed 20 yrs of my life, I have come to realize something. And that is my life has always been swinging from one extreme to another, never coming to a stop somewhere in the middle. More so, it has been very much dramatic. Love and hate, good and bad, big and small, everything and nothing, Yes and No. For me, there is no such thing as medium or just fine. Either I am very good or I am very bad. To put it into one word, life has never been "stable"

Am I that bad?

         What is it that draws me towards her? A question I don't think I will ever get the answer...

          I am truly a monster, I let her come close and then out of nowhere hurt her very bad. It all started in the afternoon of 15th july 2011. Maybe it was evening, about 5pm to be precise. These days time literally flies past me. Inspite of having severe cold, I wanted to get out of the house. I called abhinav and planned it all. Aakash was to join us 15 mins later. I wonder who takes 15 mins to empty a cup of tea. Nevertheless, he joined us at a shop where abhi was buying a greeting card for renuka.

Why didn't you accept my friend request, dad?

     I think this should have been written a long time ago. Well, its actually good I am writing it now. Because, I think now its safe for me to say that I have become better at putting my thoughts into words. Critics are always welcome.

     Now coming to the thought. But before that, I want a favor from you. If I am bragging too much about myself or making it too it too hard on me, please tell me. So, it all happened on 26th of June. My dad came home a day before. When my dad is at home, we always eat together unless I am late from college or classes. My mother and I were discussing about our neighbors and I don't know when the topic turned to career, academics and all. I told him what I wanted to be in life, is still unclear.