Continued from here.
Yes, confessing my love to you was a mistake. It opened up new ways for getting my life thrown out of balance. As much as I hate making that mistake, I also believe that you were one of the best things happened in my life. You taught me how to smile, how to express, you showed me how to love and above all, you gave meaning to the emotional side of my existence. Time was moving too fast for me to accept all this at once. Eventually I started liking you beyond the limits of friendship. Oh, I was aware of every possible detail of the reason why you were afraid of committing to someone again. I wasn't ready to accept that.
Who is to blame here? Me, for falling for you? Or You, for making me love you? I don't know. It's certainly not the latter. I was aware of the fact that you cared a lot for people who were close to you, you were friendlier than necessary and you were mad too. Maybe it was my fault after all to misunderstand all this for love. And this was not the end. One problem led to another. I started voicing my opinions. The issues I had with my school friends, which I had kept deep down within me, it was becoming unbearable to keep them inside. And then that day I snapped. I had hurt them all. A lot of empty space suddenly conjured up between me and them. I blamed you for all this. Blamed you for changing me, for making me hate my friends, keeping them away from me. Because by then, it had become impossible to hold myself back. You knew what I wanted, you knew it would make everything normal again. But you didn't respond. I was frustrated.
How was I supposed to forget that feeling for you when I had to see you everyday? I would never make them choose between you and me. I thought it's best to leave you all. A day came when you denied talking to me. You were angry. I was angry. And when you called I came to know you did it just because someone told you to. I didn't accept it. That evening I severed all ties with you. The next day my cell phone network was barred. I wondered, is it finally over for good?
 |
Who is to blame here? Me, for falling for you? Or You, for making me love you? I don't know. It's certainly not the latter. I was aware of the fact that you cared a lot for people who were close to you, you were friendlier than necessary and you were mad too. Maybe it was my fault after all to misunderstand all this for love. And this was not the end. One problem led to another. I started voicing my opinions. The issues I had with my school friends, which I had kept deep down within me, it was becoming unbearable to keep them inside. And then that day I snapped. I had hurt them all. A lot of empty space suddenly conjured up between me and them. I blamed you for all this. Blamed you for changing me, for making me hate my friends, keeping them away from me. Because by then, it had become impossible to hold myself back. You knew what I wanted, you knew it would make everything normal again. But you didn't respond. I was frustrated.
How was I supposed to forget that feeling for you when I had to see you everyday? I would never make them choose between you and me. I thought it's best to leave you all. A day came when you denied talking to me. You were angry. I was angry. And when you called I came to know you did it just because someone told you to. I didn't accept it. That evening I severed all ties with you. The next day my cell phone network was barred. I wondered, is it finally over for good?
:( Ah...this is sad..but S,love will come again you noe..just have faith..:)
ReplyDeleteBtw,nicely and honestly written..
take care :)
yes, you are right. Never loose faith :)
Deleteyou too take care :)
Blogwalking! Loved your blog.. waiting to read more of your writings!
ReplyDeleteFollowing you now! :D
Good day!
http://inthepourinrain.blogspot.com/
COnfessing love and not being accepted, yes, too very painful. Especially when we see 'that' person everyday, the pain slips as unbearable. I have been sort of both the positions. Been as a girl who cares, and like you, have fallen into self created trap ( love is but a trap right ? )It would take time,yes, and a lot of efforts to bring yourself into a particular form again ( coz m not sure which mode you would like to slip into : the one you felt in love, open n carefree or with confined thoughts one) which ever it is, will still hurt as some instances would keep churning in your brain( although love is a matter of heart!). Take time. And blog often. (This helps. a lot. personal experience, as you you can pour your feelings here). Time will heal wounds, just let not negative feelings take their roots. Sounding like aunty's advice right ? Lol. cant help it. Exp at times speak :P Take care :)
ReplyDeleteNo, not like aunty....like a friend :)
DeleteTake care and thanks :)
confessing about love cant be a mistake. at least its better getting rejected than suppressing the love within yourself forever.
ReplyDeleteits true that when there is love there will always be some expectations and when not fulfilled, it hurts. But that doesn't mean life stops here.. just one thing i would like to advice you.. never try to forget her it will be more difficult for you to live..try to accept the rejection and live your life with that acceptance.. at least try..i am doing the same..
Yes, acceptance, that's the thing I am looking for.
Delete:( this is sad...
ReplyDeleteYes, it is. :)
DeleteThis one is sad :(
ReplyDeleteIt is said when end is well , all is well..don't loose hope. :)
Oh, it's not the end :)
DeleteWhy must all good things come to an end?
ReplyDeleteBecause new beginnings are the only constant thing in our lives.
true :)
DeleteHmm! Keep the faith. If it wasn't meant to be, something better will fall in place.
ReplyDeleteI think there isn't any room left.
Deleteand why would anyone tell her to do this to you? Who was that?!!!
ReplyDeleteOk this int turn out the way I expected....
well but confessing is one thing and wanting the person to accept your confession and be with you the way you want is another. But I agree that its frustrating...
I hope you are way past over it! I hope!!
Actually she called when we weren't talking to each other for another reason. And the fact that she didn't do it herself made me angry.
DeleteYeah, me too hoping for the same :)
Intriguing. There's so much that I can relate to. But at the end of the day, it is sad that social circles and high expectations lead to such a mental turmoil. I feel caught up between the two of you, trying to figure out what went wrong, why, and what could be done to cure it.
ReplyDeleteWhat went wrong? - I misunderstood her feelings
DeleteWhy? - Cause these feelings were alien to me for the past 19 yrs
What can be done? - Either she commits (which is impossible for her) or I quit (which is impossible for me)
Stay Blessed ^_^
falling in love is never a mistake...its one of the most lovely feeling one can have!!
ReplyDeleteit is sad if things didnt work out, but then didn't Munnabhai say- "fir apun ki life mei aishwarya aaye!!" so maybe someone else is waiting for u out there!! cheers!
Well, until that someone shows up, this will continue
DeleteStay Blessed ^_^
hehe :P we'd love to meet her when u do finally find her
DeleteYou still write with as much honesty as you did in your first post.
ReplyDeleteand Love might be painful but it always comes around S :)
Smile :)
Sometimes honesty results in dangerous outcomes.
DeleteStay Blessed ^_^
watz sad is every1 keeps saying its all so sad :S if u say some things impossible it becomes that if u say some things sad it becomes sad..
ReplyDeleteI agree, you can change yourself by changing your attitude towards it
DeleteTake care ^_^
Dn't change yourself..jst change the way you think about the world and u'll be surprised how it well stand up and fit that perspective, how it will change for you
Delete