Well, frankly, I think I am an idiot. After "voices inside my head" there's hardly any hope for any of them to still like me. Call me ignorant, arrogant or whatever, I did the thing that they themselves asked for. So I can't fully blame myself. The good part is that two of them know about it, rest of them are still unaware. Now I think I shouldn't have deleted that note. Well, I will definitely tell them know someday. I am not sure which day. After talking with C, I felt much better and less guilty.
I know that the note was very rude. It's just that I couldn't control it anymore. They say I should have talked to them about this. Well, they should ask themselves about the countless times I have brought this subject up. And I am not saying I am the only person concerned about this. Surely, they must be too. But, it just doesn't show. Is it my mistake to tell them what I really think about them, or is it my mistake to care too much about them. I was told it is the latter, by three trustworthy people. Sadly, one of them has gone away, for a while or forever, I don't know. Another said that I should have consulted with them before blaming them, or in her words, before passing my judgement. In vain did I try to tell her that it's not her fault at all, I din't blame her for anything. And it was not a judgement, just an opinion. A very ruthless, I accept. Yesterday(20/8/11), I would have given anything to go back. But Today, no madam I simply can't pry. What they think of me now just doesn't matter now. Be friends with me, fine. Ignore me, superb. My only wish is for them to tell me what they have decided. If not for friendship, at least for humanity, decide and relieve me from my pain
I know that the note was very rude. It's just that I couldn't control it anymore. They say I should have talked to them about this. Well, they should ask themselves about the countless times I have brought this subject up. And I am not saying I am the only person concerned about this. Surely, they must be too. But, it just doesn't show. Is it my mistake to tell them what I really think about them, or is it my mistake to care too much about them. I was told it is the latter, by three trustworthy people. Sadly, one of them has gone away, for a while or forever, I don't know. Another said that I should have consulted with them before blaming them, or in her words, before passing my judgement. In vain did I try to tell her that it's not her fault at all, I din't blame her for anything. And it was not a judgement, just an opinion. A very ruthless, I accept. Yesterday(20/8/11), I would have given anything to go back. But Today, no madam I simply can't pry. What they think of me now just doesn't matter now. Be friends with me, fine. Ignore me, superb. My only wish is for them to tell me what they have decided. If not for friendship, at least for humanity, decide and relieve me from my pain
Its hard to blog about a problem in your life.. you want to keep a certain amount of privacy but at the same time explain the situation.. unfortunatly this makes for a very confusing post :P
ReplyDelete