Are You Still Proud of Me DAD ?

       I know, another question....

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DAD,

       I love the way those 3 letters make me feel. I capitalize them like I capitalize GOD. A simple thank you is really not enough to cover for everything that you done for me. What I feel the most I can do to reciprocate (I avoid the word payback) your love and affection is to bring out the best in my academics. But that too I have been unable to do so far. I have failed you so many times DAD. That I cry at nights thinking I am just a liability to you. And the worst part? As the tears dry up by the time sun rises, so does the realization. I wish I could tell you, that I try so hard everyday to live up to your expectations, but I fail everyday. And you know I know all the reasons, laziness, ignorance and above all procrastination. But, I need guidance DAD, your guidance. I am sorry I have failed you so often, I am sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations, I am sorry that I have to say sorry so many times for so many reasons.

     You always say anything beyond a certain limit is harmful. Do you remember I once asked you about smoking. In June last year I started smoking. My friend (I won't take names) introduced me to this side of the world. I smoked cigarettes and hookah. It was just a trial. But you know me better than anyone DAD. I got addicted to it. I would smoke at least 3 times a week. It reached the point where it was difficult to stand without having one puff in 2 days. Even though I quit it in December, I still feel guilty about the 7 months that I burnt money for such a dangerous health risk. No redemption can wash away the guilt of those 7 months. I still ask for your forgiveness. 

     Can I ask for forgiveness for one last thing? Will you forgive me...for the times that I went to drink at my friend's house? I lied to you many times, about my whereabouts and what I was doing. You always say you are proud that I don't have big demands for clothes, mobiles, games and all the expensive things. I think I was letting you down when I drained all those pocket money into alcohol. 

     I found the right path for the 2nd and 3rd mistake DAD. Are you still proud of me after hearing all this? All I need is your support, your love, your guidance. I promise DAD that I'll live up to every expectation of yours, make you proud. And yes, one more thing, I won't back answer and won't get frustrated so easily. Because I don't think it's right to blame you saying I got the hotheadedness from your genes.

Yours loving and faithful son,

Shashank