What's on my mind

Random Thoughts In My Mind

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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Am I that bad?

         What is it that draws me towards her? A question I don't think I will ever get the answer...

          I am truly a monster, I let her come close and then out of nowhere hurt her very bad. It all started in the afternoon of 15th july 2011. Maybe it was evening, about 5pm to be precise. These days time literally flies past me. Inspite of having severe cold, I wanted to get out of the house. I called abhinav and planned it all. Aakash was to join us 15 mins later. I wonder who takes 15 mins to empty a cup of tea. Nevertheless, he joined us at a shop where abhi was buying a greeting card for renuka.
Damn, I so wanted to get a greetin card for her myself. But now it would be same so I finally dropped the idea. Once out of the shop he called renu to join us. She said she will be there in 15 mins. Really, what is it with 15 mins? He asked whether to call nazia or not. I warned him not to, since no matter how ill she was, she would definitely come. Inside I wanted to see her too. It's been 6 days. But not at the cost of her health. Still, abhi called her and she was ready to come. We gathered at bhagwati to pick her up. I was delighted to see her and sad too, for it started raining. It was one thing for me to get drenched with cold, but it was totally another thing for her having fever and still enjoying the rain. We went to futala, sat there, roamed and chit chatted. That's when the evening took a different turn. While eating vada pav I said something very bad. It was anger of course. And she became angry too, saying she will never talk, never come to meet. I know she will get to normal in 2-3 days, but what hurts me is staying away from her and being the reason for that. she left early, at 8pm only. So unlikely for her. Usually it's me who leaves early. After that incident, I didn't say a word, not even said bye. At night her message came, "is anyone awake?". I was 15 mins late when I said, "I am, what is it?". All I got was "nothing, had to wish people good night before sleeping". I said I was sorry, she said there is no reason to be. Finally I said good night expecting a reply. When nothing came back, I asked about her fever. Still no reply. Maybe she slept, maybe she didn't wanna talk. I finally gave in. Stupid as it seems I still hope I will get a reply. 

If you ever come across this note (which I doubt you ever will), I want you to know.....
I was angry because inspite of having fever you came and you got wet again
(third time I guess).....
Makes me think you actually want to die getting ill again and again.

For if it was bad for me to have cold, it has become worse when it turned into a fever
and it's unbearable to think what effect it had on you


  1. thanks for concern shashank..!! everythingz perfct nw... n if i wud die its ohk yaar...whether its nw or later..chill..!!
    tum jaise kamino k hote hue.. thoda mushkil h marna... cuz i cant leave u guys na..