From a son to his mother

The one who brought me into this world,
whose touch was like silk and eyes those of pearl.

She'd hold me close all the time,
so no shadow would fall upon my smile.

Through happiness and sorrow she would always be there,
it was she who taught me how to love and care.

Even in her anger I could find the same love,
angels exist here too and not just in heaven above.

We laughed, we cried, we did everything together,
whenever I saw her I felt just better and better.

As I grew older became distant like never,
but a connection like that can't be lost forever

The love the care the warmth is still the same,
they say it's the generation gap that has occupied lots of space.

And now I see grey hair and the face with wrinkle,
whenever she sees me her eyes still twinkle.

She may not be modern and may at times falter,
I know I am no the best son but feel blessed that she is my mother.

Do the ants know? [part 1]

    Last paper was on 23rd Nov. So, it was obvious that my next post should have been published on 24th. Still, better late than never. To be completely honest, I was playing computer games that I had downloaded during the  sem papers. It's very difficult to keep an eye on time when I am deep into a game. Without further delay, let's get on with the post. But, before that, have you ever observed that wherever you drop a food item, even in the remote places of all, the ants of your house always find a way to get to it. I usually get something to eat when I am watching a movie on my computer. So, it's obvious that I am bound to drop something on the desk. And no surprises, my desk is raided by ants once every 2 weeks. I also keep chocolates in my desk drawer (but the ants don't go in it). The strangest thing happened when on 17th of last month I accidentally left 2 chocolates on my desk. They were kept there for 4 days and not a single ant wandered near them. That got me thinking....

The only romance I can afford right now is the one with books

     A long title...well, formerly it was supposed to be titled "what happens when the person you once liked/loved starts following your blog?" Today I was passing time on orkut and entered a forum titled "[official] romance thread". The reply I posted was exactly same as the title of this post. Life has it's own plans of guiding you in a particular direction (not always right though, it actually depends on how you react). I was going to wait for the exams to get over until I started typing this post. I have got to thank someone for making me cancel that plan. Rest of the things to be discussed at the end of this post.

The night before my semester exam

     I should be studying right now. But I realized this is the best time to type my next post, when thoughts of all sorts (except that related to the subject of tomorrow's paper) are rushing into your brain.

PMS? Don't go anywhere near the TEMPLE!!!!!

     I am tired of putting disclaimers. Well, just have a look at the labels. If you think you are uncomfortable with some or all of them then I would suggest you to read this instead. You are now warned and provided with an alternative, so let's start.

One Last try

She asked what would you do if I was to die?
I said I don't know, maybe I would cry
She said repeat the words and look me in the eye
I said, you know me I have always been shy

I don't think it's working for you, I want to know the reason
Maybe something has changed, like the changing season

She said tell me, or I'll die right now
I can't say, when I don't know how

You used to write so much, what happened to that?
I don't know, these days I just turn blank

She said write a poem on it, so I can keep it for later
I hardly think it's poetry, just rhyming thoughts put on paper

She kept staring at me, as time passed by
Since you insist so much, I'd give it one last try

P.S.
As much as I love fiction, I would like to keep it restricted to just rhyming thoughts put on paper. Comes from a real inspiration though.

Times Shit

      Warning: I had to edit this post before posting it here. Still there are some part I didn't have the heart to part with. So, people under 16, people weak at heart, people with disgust feeling towards nasty humour and people who are emotionally (read pervertedly) attached to city times edition of Times Of India. (take offense when I say "people who tell the world that they read newspaper daily and in reality just grab the nagpur times supplement are perverts")


     I have been dying to post this one. But before publishing, I had to confirm certain points. I just hate Nagpur Times supplement of Times Of India for it's degrading quality. Just to be sure, I updated my FB status as "Nagpur times = Times Shit". After a few likes, people started commenting. What I could infer from the comments was that the times city supplement of other cities were in more or less the same state. So, I was not the only one getting frustrated. Let's start.

Monday Mornings

     If only I had a good camera ~_~. I won't be telling how boring monday mornings are cause you can find that kind of stuff almost everywhere on the blogosphere (I am so psyched by this term that I named my swf after it). My monday morning was quite different today. It almost surprised me when I didn't wake up to a hangover this morning. Then I remembered, I had drained half the bottle down the sink ~_~. Yup, last night it was beer party B-).

Reborn

     Okay, so something was bothering me. Now, that it's not bugging me anymore, maybe I should stop thinking about it. The good thing is, I am back. There is no bad thing. Wish I had seen Kung fu Panda 2 weeks back. I was really depressed when russell peters and jim carrey lost the battle against my sadness. Well, lets not dwell in the past. I am just happy to be my normal self again. Though I have lost much weight in these two weeks. An old friend came back. I had stopped writing. The last shayari I wrote made me tear the paper apart o_O (I have a bit of a bad temper ~_~).

Road block

     It's been 5 days since I updated any of my blogs. There is so much too write but I am not finding the right "thing" to write about. I am confused. There are reasons to be happy and there are reasons to be depressed. I am surrounded by people and still find myself alone. I can't put my finger on the exact thing that's bugging me and interfering with everything else. Completed crysis today, one hell of a game. Now, there is no computer game to distract me. Maybe I should confront it. I got 5 posts and 3 shayari lined up. Don't know when I will be able to post them. Maybe it has something to do with PL. boring October

The guy has spoken out of turn

       I should be crying about my monthly pocket allowances in this 43rd post. But, that will have to wait for later. A new problem has surfaced. Well, it isn't much of a problem since I am not much concerned about it. But it's significant enough to be mentioned here. I had a haircut yesterday. And while sitting on that chair staring blankly at the mirror, he started voicing his thoughts all of a sudden. Usually the procedure is that I stand in front of the mirror, ask all sorts of questions to him, he listens to them intently, and then gives his insight. And I just stand there staring dumbfounded at the intellect he is gaining so fast. I wish I were more like him. But people like him, they can only exist beyond the mirror, in a different world. They cannot trespass the boundary, for if they do, the real life will be thrown out of balance. They can only guide.

Sometimes, Pictures Do Speak to me

     Yeah, pictures do speak to me. They tell me about stuff that's beyond the comprehension of others. They connect with me. And I see some pictures in way that nobody else sees them. I feel blessed with the tool of Photoshop. Now these photos tell me all sort of stuff. Some are good and some are very wicked (a very tiny part of this side you are going to see very soon). Let's see what some of the pics in my hard disc say...

Have I lost it?

     My girlfriend isn't happy with me. And I don't blame her. It's really hard to understand me. Sometimes I think she is with me just because I "invest" my money in her. Once she did say that I make her feel special, but things are different now. I am not able to cope up with her. But I don't want to let her go. It was she who helped me get over my ex. Ditching her too would land me in a vicious circle. Two days back we had the worst quarrel of our relationship. I said somethings I shouldn't have said. Her best friend is my good friend too. She said she would try to reason with her and keep me updated too. The good friend tells me about the conversation she had last night with my girlfriend.

Lets make you laugh

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.(O.M.G.!!!) ... 

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death ... (Creepy ... I'm still not over the pig) ... 

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body ... The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off ... (Honey, I'm home ... What the ...?) ... 

The flea can jump 350 times its body length ... It's like a human jumping the length of a football field ... (30 minutes ... Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) ... 

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds ... (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) ... 

Some lions mate over 50 times a day ... (I still can't believe that pig ... quality over quantity) ... 

Butterflies taste with their feet ... (Something I always wanted to know) ...

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump ... (Okay, so that would be a good thing) ... 

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain ... (I know some people like that) ... 

Starfish have no brains ... (I know some people like that, too) ... 

Polar bears are left-handed ... (Talk about a southpaw) ... 

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure ... (What about that pig? ... Do the dolphins know about the pig?) ... 

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts ... (and God love that pig!)

Drink, Smoke and Facebook

     Note: the pictures used are solely for fun purposes. If it hurt anyone's sentiments then I am extremely sorry.

Dream Interview

      Now by dream interview, I literally mean dream interview. It's not the interview of a dream company nor it is an interview I would love to give. So it goes like this-

Interviewer: So, Mr. Z (I just got bored of same old X) tell me something about yourself.

Life without them would be a total wreck

     A post dedicated to my dearest of buddies who, if not major, played a significant part in shaping my mind, my thoughts, my appearance, my personality as you see it today. So, here goes

What makes my college life bearable, enjoyable and finally worth missing

    Yep, that's my college. It's actually just Block A and block B is behind it. I am dedicating this post purely to my college mates. So here goes

Lost within smoke and alcohol

CAUTION!!!: Anything in excess is injurious to health. This is true for alcohol. Up to a small extent, it's actually healthy. Drink too much and you are surely to end up on the wrong side of the road. Such is not the case with cigarettes. Avoid them completely if you can. Trust me, there is nothing cool about smoking. Even if you want to try it once, just have one single puff and that's it. No need to be a show off and smoke one whole stick as long as you don't want it to get worse. Since, smoking one cigarette is as good as smoking for the rest of your life. Confusing? Well, believe that you don't wan to find out why. With this I must start with my topic.

The Non-Believer Of God

      I wonder, if you have already made up your mind to call me an atheist. Anyways, what you think of an atheist should be kept to you. Nothing can change an atheist's thinking besides GOD himself. Funny, ain't it? The title implies I am a non-believer of GOD and still say the same "thing" might change an atheist's view. Oh I do believe in a higher power, it's just that I don't think it's GOD as everybody else thinks it to be. So what is it that I actually believe in? Time to put it into words...

Just Let It Out

     There are times in life when you feel so angry and so frustrated, that you think you might explode like a volcano. Then again, you are surrounded by people, have to respect other people's thoughts. Friends, GF/BF, teacher, parents, boss, all have their share of fueling your rage. Sometimes you just have to stay put, sometimes you couldn't care less what the person in front of you, thinks of you. The silent people are the most dangerous (me for example :P).

Moments of sheer Happiness

    There are some things in life that mean so less to everyone else but give pure joy to you. No matter how small scale they be, they never fail to give you self satisfaction and contentment. Some such things/acts that give me joy are given below. (Note: regardless of me doing it for someone or others doing it for me)

There is no life without money

Caution: some of the deepest and darkest thoughts lay ahead. All you will find in this post, in this blog and in me is turmoil. Pain and suffering have become my siblings. And I am not saying I am the only one capable of feeling. What choice do I have since everyone has started keeping distances from me. All I have are my thoughts, my experiences, my pain, my joy and my happiness. So be it. At least computers never complain/demand/whine/deceive. Don't read if you are happy and don't wanna screw that up. Also don't read if you are already screwed and don't wanna get more screwed.So here goes...

Pictures speak louder than words

    Nowadays, I spent more time blogging than "facebooking" "googling" and also "studying". Gaming still tops the list ;). I go through so many blogs, reading each and every post the author has written (even though it's 2 yrs old), analyzing each comment, putting my own comments. Man, I have got obsessed with blogging :O. Anyways, having gone through so many thoughts each day made think "what is it that makes them so attractive, charming, alluring, fascinating, enticing, seductive( XD ), magnetic, tempting (yeah, Google is your friend ;) :P :D)".

Happy birthday

One day gods were happy, and an angel was born
the world rejoiced, for it was the end of a storm

sadness became happiness, when the baby smiled
she has only longed for love, in all this time

whoever's like she touched, she spread just happiness
in all these years, she was cute & full of sweetness

she taught us caring, and the meaning of joy
all that was left, was to be complete, and she met this boy

love was struck, and the world was just about me and you
it's your b'day dear, and it's me wishing happy b'day to you


wrote this for my friend's girlfriend, though he only used the last line :(

It's Matrix All Over Again

     Now, even if you are not a Sci-Fi freak, I would recommend you to watch either of these two movies - "The Matrix" or "Inception". The latter with a higher preference. The concept is pretty awesome. A simple Idea. What if the world is not real? I don't want you to go into depths of any of these movies, I just want you to realize that everybody living in the "real" world has his or her own "matrix" or "dream" world (both meaning the same thing). Where, you are the hero, the most powerful, the wisest of all. I know I know, you already knew that, so what was the point of making you watch these movies.

There are no unread messages in your inbox

I sit on the bench, staring at the screen

waiting for her message, that would be read with keen


two times a day, I greet her good morning and good night

expecting a reply, that I would read with delight


she says she is busy, she will talk later

there is no end to my anxiety, for I am addicted to her nature


when awake at night, we have a chat

she drifts to sleep, leaving my inbox blank


I wait staring at the screen, a message pops

There are no unread messages, in your inbox.



Don't we all go through this at least once? ;) :D

The more you hide, the more they'll suspect

This happened approx. 3 years back, but I still remember each and every possible detail as I experienced shame, shock, horror, silliness, perverted all at the same time.

I know, too much to handle

Well the scene was that I was watching a movie which was not ,strictly speaking, vegetarian ;)

The last request

she said we can no longer continue, its time to break up
I said I love you, isn't that reason enough?

she said she can't take it, it hurts her
I said I would die, would it be okay for her?

she said don't make me stay, I want to go
I said do one last thing, and then you can go

she said oh fine, but I can't promise
I said for old times sake, don't I deserve this?

she kept mum and I got my chance
I said I want to live again like the past

she said I don't understand, what is it that you desire
I said lets do everything we have done with same passion and fire

for two months we did all the things we have done before
I fell in love with her more and more

she said I have done what you asked, now let me leave
I thanked her for her time and let her leave

two years have passed and I lay on this bed
where she comes to me, with eyes so wet

she touches my face and begins to weep
my eyes close with a smile, for its time for a peaceful never ending sleep...


fiction again :)

Premonitions of my 8 yr old self

     It's been just 2 years since I realized that I think quite more than a normal person. Obviously, 2 years are not enough to cover for 20 years. It has been found out that when babies are born, their brains are about one quarter developed. So, I have been thinking from the point when I wasn't even born! :o :s Scary thought. I wonder though, interesting is the thought of being able to remember the state of brain from so long back. I was lost and gradually drifting to sleep when the chain of thoughts began.

*

It hurts me to see you every day

for I cannot touch you in any way

the more you care the more I expect

among friendship and love I don't know which to select

All hope vanished and I became lost

you were always there no matter what it cost

you gave me strength you became my hope

all was fine until it reached the end of the rope

you said 'that's it' you could do more than this

my life turned hell and all left was abyss

and now we can never be normal together

for you are my first love, always and forever




I am not sure about the title, any suggestions?

Lost love

She hides her tears behind her smile
but I sense everything as she once was mine
she behaves as if love between us was a crime
she refused to listen as for me it was divine

We are so close yet so worlds apart
she was everything to me, sweet, silly & smart
though she says it was not love from the start
she always has been & forever be in my heart

And now it's as if we were never together
my friends say it's certainly for the better
they are right but they will understand never
I love you _______, always n forever <3

The first kiss

There was something in those eyes,that I'll never forget
cause I fell in love, the day we met

You wondered why someone like me would ask you for a dance
but I knew for sure, you wouldn't miss such a chance

We waltzed to our hearts through the night
I could feel your excitement, when you held so tight

The music stopped and it was the end of the show
but I could see it in your eyes, you didn't want to go

I walked you to your home and it was time to say goodbye
you looked at me, ever so shy

I read your moves and came close too
I had always wished to get my first kiss from you <3


Before you say anything, it's completely fictional

Having slept already

     It's 0055 hrs and I suddenly wake up. Honestly, I shouldn't be waking up at this odd hour. Then I remember, I have slept all evening and also through the night. Oh man, now I have to stay awake the whole night. First of all, I am hungry (Good! my appetite's back :D). I wonder, should I brush my teeth first? :P There's not much to satisfy my hunger but still I'll survive for the next few hours. Better close the door to my room before turning the computer on.

It's definitely not love

    I have been neglecting food for quite a time now. I do feel hungry and my stomach has been growling a lot these days. But, every time my brain gets a signal from stomach there is one or other thought in my head that is so important, that I don't even have the restraint to stop it and get something to eat. You know me, when I start thinking, I get totally engrossed in anything that's interesting to ponder on. Studies, passion, fun, love nothing matters then. Talking about love, why is that whenever I deny food or look thoughtful, somebody would pull me back to reality asking the then most insignificant question "ladki kya chakkar hai kya?" (is it a matter of a girl?).

Thinking Loud Is Not Allowed

     Well, frankly, I think I am an idiot. After "voices inside my head" there's hardly any hope for any of them to still like me. Call me ignorant, arrogant or whatever, I did the thing that they themselves asked for. So I can't fully blame myself. The good part is that two of them know about it, rest of them are still unaware. Now I think I shouldn't have deleted that note. Well, I will definitely tell them  know someday. I am not sure which day. After talking with C, I felt much better and less guilty.

Photoshop Expert Shanky

Legends tell us of legendary editor, whose editing skills were stuff of legends! He traveled across Google in search of worthy pics *swish* *click* *enter*

"I see you like to edit, maybe you should edit 'my pic'!"

The editor spoke nothing for his canvas was full, then he refreshed, and then he spoke, "enough talk, let's edit!" *Shashabooey!*

Voices Inside My Head

      I am often surprised by the track on which the train of my thoughts run on. Changing tracks continuously, rarely arriving at a junction. I think too much, more than a normal person, trying to decipher the meaning behind every word spoken in front of me. But, I am no Sherlock Holmes. Yet, my brain never stops the thinking process, giving me the "LOST" look when I am with friends.

Is it just a formality?

     Think about the title. Since it's friendship day, I am surely talking in the same context. Sure today is very special for friends. You get a chance to tell people how much they mean to you, as friends. You make promises of being friends forever, of remembering each other no matter how many miles apart you are. All this makes you feel special when somebody sends you a text, tags you in a photo on Facebook or just says "happy friendship day" when they see you this day. But ask yourself, is it really a feeling you share "together forever no matter how long" or is just a formality "hey remember me, so when the next time I need a favour, I'll remember you".

think fast, speak slow

       Although I am putting it into words today, the thought originally came to me on 2nd of August. I never expected my laziness to influence my writing. Something must be done about it. Before that, there is another problem to be tackled. This problem has survived since long back. I am starting to fear it won't leave me ever. Given, that is can prove disastrous for my career, I must find a solution for this as soon as possible You might be wondering if this problem is as old as I say it is, why am I writing about it today? The answers begins with an incident that happened today (2nd August). I have this problem of speaking too fast. Sometimes I have to repeat as much as 3 times to communicate my thoughts. Sometimes I eat up parts of words as I pronounce or even stammer.

IM-PERFECT

        Hope...that's what she gave me. Above everything else, love, confidence, strength and much more. I wouldn't say she completed me, like in all romantic movies. But being close to her felt like I was flawless[. I was charming, I was smart, I was strong, I was everything that I wasn't in my single life. It was like a dream yet I lived those moments in reality. Maybe this is how it feels like to be perfect, to be in love. I was everything and then I was nothing. She left. Reality swept over me. Darkness consumed me. The only light was that of my soul within me. But for some reason it wasn't enough to drive the darkness away. I had this vision, of me standing on top of a beautiful waterfall. I was leaning over the edge of a rock at the mercy of the hand I was holding.

Drive Slow

Were the last words of my dad when I dropped him at the railway station on 24th July 2011. Funny, life has been slow. And there lies no reason for me to take it easy on the road either. I don't drive to show off. It just gives me the feeling of thrill, a sense of control. And why should I drive slow. Every time I have driven slow, I met with and accident. It might seem stupid but that's the truth. This particular note may be confusing you. Am I talking about life or about driving? It's kind of both really. A comparison perhaps. I remember Prof. Lawrence's first lecture in first year. He snapped his fingers while he spoke, "Dude, you will never realize when these 4 years will pass by".

Empty Spaces

      I never imagined writing would grow so much on me. To think I would have written 10+ notes by now. I am confused though... Should I be happy? *Certainly*. Should I be sad? Hm.... The problems still persist. Well lets put the past aside and focus on now. She has left for bilaspur. Its been 6 days since I have seen her. No contact, no calling, only an insignificant SMS and that too is fading day after day. Her messages mostly irritate me, talking of death, separation and denial of the obvious. I called her thrice, once she disconnected, second time it was busy, the third time we talked, it was as if I was talking to a complete stranger.

Live Extreme

To start with, I am not promoting the bike CBZ Extreme. As always this note concerns me only. Having completed 20 yrs of my life, I have come to realize something. And that is my life has always been swinging from one extreme to another, never coming to a stop somewhere in the middle. More so, it has been very much dramatic. Love and hate, good and bad, big and small, everything and nothing, Yes and No. For me, there is no such thing as medium or just fine. Either I am very good or I am very bad. To put it into one word, life has never been "stable"

Am I that bad?

         What is it that draws me towards her? A question I don't think I will ever get the answer...

          I am truly a monster, I let her come close and then out of nowhere hurt her very bad. It all started in the afternoon of 15th july 2011. Maybe it was evening, about 5pm to be precise. These days time literally flies past me. Inspite of having severe cold, I wanted to get out of the house. I called abhinav and planned it all. Aakash was to join us 15 mins later. I wonder who takes 15 mins to empty a cup of tea. Nevertheless, he joined us at a shop where abhi was buying a greeting card for renuka.

Why didn't you accept my friend request, dad?

     I think this should have been written a long time ago. Well, its actually good I am writing it now. Because, I think now its safe for me to say that I have become better at putting my thoughts into words. Critics are always welcome.

     Now coming to the thought. But before that, I want a favor from you. If I am bragging too much about myself or making it too it too hard on me, please tell me. So, it all happened on 26th of June. My dad came home a day before. When my dad is at home, we always eat together unless I am late from college or classes. My mother and I were discussing about our neighbors and I don't know when the topic turned to career, academics and all. I told him what I wanted to be in life, is still unclear.

What The Fuck Am I

  Now whether this a story of fiction, or my story or some other person's whom I don't have anything to do with, I really am not in mood of clarifying that. And if you can't avoid commenting on this particular note, then please don't read it..

To What Its Worth

      I have been thinking about this very often now. I remember abhi said that failure is the result of the company we share. From that moment it's gotten into my mind that friends do influence our results. And this time it's in a bad way. Lately, I have been thinking of reducing contact with my friends to minimum. Almost zero. Now, whether it is better for my career or not, I won't know until I try it. The idea of meeting daily and hanging out is simply mouth watering. I realize that many people miss it. But no matter ho fun it may be, I end up thinking it was a waste of time.

Untitled

       You may wonder why I titled the note "Untitled". The answer is quite obvious. It's *undecided*, *unknown* and everything that gives the feeling of confusion, which I am in right now. The next question would be why am I so confused. Well, it all started after I watched the movie "A Walk To Remember". Even typing the name of the film stirs a cloud of emotions in me. The movie is just awesome. since I am not writing this note to promote the film, I won't go deep into the film.

Life has become just a hummm....

        I wish I had told her sooner. Never knew time would literally fall through my fingers like sand. I just wanted her to know that I cared for her. She kept on asking what was my problem. I was just too shy to tell her it was her only. Well, she was not the problem but you know, when a girl starts coming to your mind much too often, how does everything goes.

Cost of 1 sms

       When I had the plan of 500 free sms per day, people used to get irritated from constant beeping of the cell phone due to my incoming messages. I never paid attention as to how many replied back. Or how many sent forwards back to me. I didn't think much about it and continuously used to irritate my friends :D.

My luckiest day

To begin with I didn't really realise it was a lucky day until 8:43 am

It was 4th of December, a Saturday......yeah Saturdays bring most surprises of all days

Well going into the story I was thinking of her as usual. I had no idea I could get so attracted to a girl like this within so short amount of time. Waking up, the daily chores of my 7 day schedule started. Finally, our presentation was over so I thought I should better pay attention to my face which had a very tired look.

The realization of friendship

when i am all alone i just sit quietly reading the messages from friends n have a look at my contacts.....the addition and removal of members from friend groups makes me think.....

what am i doing?!

i can't just blow people off from my life, i have an equal amount of participation in making life wonderful